Ozai Doesn't Know she Cries
by appa-appa-away
Summary: This is a side story to 'Behind the Lies'. You need to read the first chapter of that story before you read this. This is also a songfic to 'Long Way to Happy' by 'P!nk'. Azula centric. Enjoy. Read and review. Now edited and reposted.


**Hey, peeps. I'm in a good mood today and I wrote this extra fast... so yeah. Two new chapters up today. This one and the next chapter of 'Behind the Lies'. This is a songfic to 'Long Way to Happy' by 'P!nk'. This is set a day after the first chapter of 'Behind the Lies', so you might want to read that so that it makes sense here. ;) Enjoy! Read and Review.**

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**Ozai Doesn't Know she Cries**

Azula looked out over the Fire Nation city from her window. She was wrapped tightly in a coat, still too shaken from the previous day to keep herself warm.

The setting sun seemed to be calling to her as she watched it slowly dip below the horizon. It reminded her of so many things… good things and bad things.

The sun reminded her of power. The power possessed by her father. The power he had over her.

The sun reminded her of the burning fire in that man's eyes. That terrible man. The man who did things that they don't know about. The things he did to her. She hated it when the sun reminded her of Admiral Shang.

But the one good thing that the sun reminded her of, especially when it was setting peacefully in the sky like it was just then, the one thing that could make her smile after what had happened yesterday…

The sun reminded her of Zuko. It reminded her of the comforting warmth he used to give her when they were children. It reminded her of the love between them before she put on this mask, this mask of a loyal, perfect princess. The mask of the girl she was not.

But that was something he didn't know.

She really missed him. She missed the way they use to have fun. She missed being an innocent little girl. She missed the days she didn't know Shang.

But that was a hopeless dream.

_**One night to you, lasted six weeks for me**_

_**Just a bitter little pill now, just to try to go to sleep**_

_**No more waking up to innocence, say hello to hesitant and everyone I meet**_

_**Thanks to you, years ago, I guess I'll never know what love means to me, but oh**_

Azula was so use to what her father let Admiral Shang do to her that she had learned to push it away and pretend it didn't happen.

Azula was not weak, but she knew that she was the only one who could help herself when it came to the rape Shang inflicted upon her.

There was no point dwelling on the past. Lingering on what had happened to her and what she knew would happen again would only hurt her again. She had to stay strong.

_**I'll keep on rolling down this road**_

But the Fire Princess knew that, one day, the fact that she couldn't tell anyone about what happened to her would come back and bite her hard.

_**But I've got a bad, bad feeling**_

A tear ran down her already glistening face as she thought of what would happen. What could happen. What could have already happened without her knowing.

_**It's gonna take a long time to love**_

_**It's gonna take a lot to hold on**_

_**It's gonna be a long way to happy, yea**_

She blinked back more tears.

"No, I'm not going to cry. Not again. I'm done crying," she told herself firmly.

_**Left in the pieces that you broke me into**_

_**Torn apart but now I've got to**_

_**Keep on rolling like a stone**_

_**Cuz it's gonna be a long, long way to happy**_

The Fire Princess tore her eyes away from the sunset and looked back at her bedroom. Her desk, where she sat when she first started crying and managed to move away from the bed. The bed, where Shang had dishonored her countless times since she was twelve… since Zuko had first left… since the day she had first shown disloyalty to her father.

_**Left my childhood behind, in a rollaway bed**_

_**Everything was so damn simple, but now I'm losing my head**_

She had so much to worry about every time her father sent Admiral Shang to have some fun with her. She was only sixteen; she didn't want to get pregnant, especially not to a man who she _hated_ from the bottom of her heart. She could never learn to love someone who was so horrid. She could never love someone who hurt people intentionally, like he did.

_**Try to cover up the damage and pat out all the bruises**_

_**To young to know I had it so it didn't hurt to lose it**_

She had too keep telling herself every day of her life, since the first time it had happened, that it couldn't hurt her. She would stay strong, no matter what happened to her. She would never truly give up in what she really believed in.

_**Didn't hurt to lose it, no but, oh**_

_**I'll keep on rolling down this road**_

She knew she was lying to herself, but she knew it was better than the blunt and cold truth.

_**But I've got a bad, bad feeling**_

How could she ever be a normal girl like she wanted to be… or at least how could she be a normal princess? Weren't princesses happy and didn't they get rescued by a handsome young prince who she ended up falling in love with.

"Ha, there aren't any prince's around here who could save me!" she thought bitterly to herself.

_**It's gonna take a long time to love**_

_**It's gonna take a lot to hold on**_

_**It's gonna be a long way to happy, yea**_

She would never be able to love again, or so she thought. She had just been through too much hurt to feel secure around guys anymore… right?

_**Left in the pieces that you broke me into**_

_**Torn apart but now I've got to**_

_**Keep on rolling like a stone**_

_**Cuz it's gonna be a long, long way to -**_

She tore her eyes away from her bed again. It was only going to torture her more to keep thinking of it. She went back to her window and this time, she opened the door to the balcony and stood outside.

_**Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing**_

_**But don't worry 'bout regret or guilt cuz I never new your name**_

There was so much Azula hated Shang for, but he had taught her a valuable lesson that, although she knew it would help her, she would never forgive him for teaching her.

_**I just wanna thank you, thank you**_

_**From the bottom of my heart**_

_**For all the sleepless nights **_

_**And for tearing me apart**_

_**Yeah, yeah!**_

You could never be too careful. No matter how much you trust someone, they can turn their back on you. You're never safe. Your best friend… your family… the people you trust the most, are the ones who are your worst enemies, if they do not have pure hearts.

_**It's gonna take a long time to love**_

_**It's gonna take a lot to hold on**_

_**It's gonna be a long way to happy, yea**_

_**Left in the pieces that you broke me into**_

_**Torn apart but now I've got to**_

_**Keep on rolling like a stone**_

_**Cuz it's gonna be a long, long way**_

The Fire Princess bit her trembling lip as a tear gushed down her right cheek. She blinked the rest back again. She wouldn't show weakness to anyone just yet. She had to hold out a bit longer, to make sure no one was watching, before she cried again.

_**It's gonna take a long time to love**_

_**It's gonna take a lot to hold on**_

_**It's gonna be a long, long, long, long way to happy, yea**_

Inside, she could feel that she was already broken. But she knew she could hold herself together. She knew she had to, if she wanted to finish her job.

No one but her knew what her job was. No one else knew why she made herself seem loyal to the Fire Lord. She'd hinted it to her father and he had gotten the message, but instead of doing away with her, he chose to use the cruel punishment of rape to silence her.

_**Left in the pieces that you broke me into**_

_**Torn apart but now I've got to**_

_**Keep on rolling like a stone**_

She couldn't give up. She had to keep Zuko safe. She'd basically sacrificed her freedom to keep her brother safe. She'd sacrificed so many things other than that, innocence, love, her well being. She would not let it be in vain. She would finish her job if it killed her.

It was going to be a bumpy ride, but she knew that, in the end, she would find a way to help her brother and the Avatar overthrow her father. Then she would be free.

But that wasn't going to happen for a while and she knew it.

_**Cuz it's gonna be a long, long way to happy**_

_**Cuz it's gonna be a long, long way to happy**_

The last of the sun ducked below the horizon and Azula's room and the balcony where she stood was all plunged into darkness.

No one could see her, and it felt good to know.

At long last, she didn't have to hold back. No one was watching her anymore; she could cry.

And as she had wanted to do all day, and as she had done the night before, Princess Azula fell to her knees and let her tears flow free. The droplets of salty despair streamed down her face and into her hands and onto her lap as she sobbed.

Azula wasn't weak. She could hold her own and she could support herself, even in times like these. But she knew that it was alright to cry.

It was Ozai who didn't know this, and so she had to make sure he never found out. The Fire Lord never found out that his daughter really cried like this.

And he never would.

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**Well, what did you think? I hope you liked it. If you haven't read the first chapter of 'Behind the Lies' then I wouldn't review until you have... just for the sake of not getting confused and getting grumpy at me for letting Azula out of character for no reason. Lol, review, please.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**XD**

**AAA**


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